What I Learned Today...

Prada can open the sliding glass door.


Now I just have to teach her how to shut it.

What I Learned Today...

I ate strict Paleo for the last week in preparation for our engagement photos for absolutely no reason.....




I own Spanx.  Duh.

What I Learned Today

Why I don't look good in cowboy boots with a skirt. 

I have giant feet. It appears as though I have stolen Jeti's boots and worn them on accident.

What I Learned Today

I will never understand the male species. I have been included in an ongoing fantasy football league group text with Jeti and 8 of his guy friends for over a month and I don't understand how they are friends.

Also, I could have completely scripted the entire draft night conversation before it happened.

What I Learned Today...

Coach is welcome to call me at work anytime because when I pick up the phone he will holla "what's shakin' crackaaaaa!!"

What I Learned Today

The golf cart batteries can not hold a charge well enough to make it to the club house and back.

Bonus lesson - If you decide the cart will make it farther without having to support your weight,  simply use your putter to hold down the gas peddle whilst walking next to the cart and steering.

Hard Core Preppin'

Today I officially added one more useful trait to my repertoire given we find ourselves in an apocalypse type scenario.  Master food preserver.  Alright, I'm not quite there yet, but I did make my very first batch of tomato sauce using tomatoes from our garden.  In just under three hours I was able to make almost 4 cups. 

Ok, so I learned it's really better to do this whole process when you have a whole crap ton of tomatoes ready because approximately 7 lbs of tomatoes doesn't make all that much when you reduce it down and get all that liquid off.

What I also learned was that you have to have the top off the stock pot to get the liquid to cook off.  Duh.  It's like I don't want the Food Network Every. Single. Night.  I mean, I'm watching it right now.  Lesson learned and it didn't take me that long to correct. Furthermore I plan on purchasing a pressure canner and really take this up a notch.  Anybody out there can?  Any advice?

What I Learned Today

Newman is spelled Newman not Neuman.

What I Learned Today...

Upon finding what appeared to be the fresh carcass of an unfortunate squirrel, just in time to not step on it in the street and reel the small dog back in before he could touch it, I learned that the squirrel's eyes are even creepier up close when they're open and he's dead than I imagined they would be from far away.

What I Learned Today....

It's embarrassing how easily I can be outsmarted by a not-even-four year old while at a birthday party talking about the cake.


Munchkin: "What kind of cake are we having?"

Belle:  "Birthday cake."






Damn.

What I Learned Today

According to my 18 year old niece, I need to create a wedding hashtag (not this second of course, but I need to write it down so I don't forget).  But I've spent years making fun of hashtags and therefore boycotting them.  How will I ever explain the sudden reverse-field on the issue?  Damn kids and their new fangled technology.

What I Learned Today...

Freshly ground coffee really is all it's cracked up to be.

What I Learned Today...

Installing your own in ground electric dog fence for you dogs takes two days.  Day one is to install the fence.




Day two is to read the book like you were supposed to before installation, uninstall half the fence, and then reinstall it correctly.

What I Learned Today...

The Grand Canyon is in Utah.  No really, I thought it was in Arizona.  Yes I'm embarrassed.  Not embarrassed enough to not put it on the internet though.  My degree is not in geography.  Maybe instead of spending so much time on the book of faces and looking up paleo recipes, I should start reading maps.

What I Learned Today...

Pinterest.  I don't get it.

What I Learned Today...

Moving back home after six years is like literally moving back six years in time. I'm cleaning out my room right now because, frankly, it necessary if any of my stuff is going to ever fit in here. What have I found? 2004. I just found a folder from composition class my junior year in high school. I won't lie, I read them all before promptly throwing them in the giant black garbage bag that took four seconds to fill. Interesting. This process may actually eat my soul.

What I Learned Today...

LG now makes a cell phone with a projector on it, because hey, who hasn't been talking on their phone and thought "I really need to project something."



What you may not know is that I have a strong desire to invent something. It's mostly because I don't ever want to actually work. Well now I have it. It's going to take the world by storm. Wait for it.


A cell phone with a George Forman grill on it.

What I Learned Today...

Of all the cranberries consumed throughout the year, 20% are consumed on Thanksgiving.

I believe the other 80% are juiced and served with vodka the night before Thanksgiving.

What I Learned Today...

I'd make a damn good housewife.

Yesterday I vacuumed both the upstairs and downstairs, washed some windows, cleaned the toliet, washed all the rugs and chair covers downstairs, make a delicious Italian dinner for the guys at noon including homemade garlic cheesey bread, spent some quality time with half of my nieces and nephews, finished the laundry, and made homemade applesauce bread.

This morning after I made fresh cinnamon rolls for breakfast and attended church, I delivered DQ to the field. This afternoon I not only made homemade chocolate chip cookies, I delivered them still warm with an ice cold jug of milk to the field for an afternoon snack.

I don't know why I spent so much money and six years on a private school education, all I need is a rich man who will allow me to indulge in the lifestyle I've become accustomed to. That's in my head of course because we all know I'm still dirt poor for the time being. That is until I come up with the invention that will change the world and I can spend all my time, well, not working.

So why do I do it all you ask?






I'm trying to get 150 bushels for Christmas.

What I Learned Today...

When attempting to pack and load your car ahead of time, always always always, make sure that when you leave out a set of dress clothes for the next day (last day of work), that you include a pair of underroos. Otherwise you will be sitting here deciding whether to go stand out in the cold and dig around the car until I find a very icey pair of underroos or just say the hell with it and go commando.


Thank you "Rump Shaker" for being here to pump me up for my decision.