Random Assortment of Thoughts and Lessons from Stupid Race Day

Just to clarify, so there is no more confusion... running any distance was never on my bucket list. That's stupid.

I finished (in just a shade under a decade too, alright). I'll recap this at the end.

So I stayed at Casa de MC in the basement suite. I left the pre-carbing party early so I could get some sleep before the race. Then I sat up until midnight talking to the MCs. I'm paying for that today.

While on my way to Clark and Doc's to meet the other idiots that were up at the crack of dawn to run in a race they paid to run in, I was a little early and a lot hungry. So I went into the gas station and got myself a cheese danish. As I walked to the counter "Chariots of Fire" came on. I thought as though Rocky himself wanted me to eat that cheese danish. Later Doc thought maybe I should've taken the message as not to eat it because I would probably throw it up. So I only at three bites.

I learned the Chevy Traverse seats twelve comfortably.

While the smell of Miller Park was not pleasant, I was handling it okay until someone said something about Buffalo Wild Wings.

I started the race way too far up in the pack. You see, I can only run about 50 yards at a time without stopping. There were like 500 people were behind me and they kept passing me all over the place. Do you know how disheartening it is to have people passing you constantly for what seems like ten minutes all the while they are grunting and glaring at you for being in their way? I wanted to stop running very soon after starting but I was afraid of being the victim of a stampede. I was holding out for being the victim of my own lack of oxygen.

When I finally saw the first water station I was walking, but began jogging so that I could grab the cup on the run like all the cool people. Then I stopped so I could drink it.

I offered a cop twenty dollars if he would give me his stop/slow sign and run for me. He said he was not dressed for the occasion.

When I got to Kroger, G and some number and the youngest one were the only ones left. I'm pretty sure some number just stayed to make fun of me.

At mile four I got to the water station and there was a lady shouting split times at me. I was standing still drinking water. Do I look like I'm going for a time here?

Finally after seeing the sign for Fairview, I began jogging again because well I didn't want to be walking when everyone saw me. Then I kept jogging and kept jogging. Finally I stopped, took out my ear bud, and said to this lady that was unwittingly cheering me on to finish, "where the hell is the finish line?"

I finally found it and half jokingly bent over in agony right after going through the big blue thing. Some man starting saying "keep going keep going." I turned around and gave him the "shut up fool" look and he came over and attempted to hold me up and took off my ankle bracelet for me. I wasn't actually going to pass out, but they really should erect the giant blue thing right where you can stop.

I did not finish last. I came in 572 place. I did come last in my age group but I was like the oldest person in my age group.

Also, I'm not sure the spectators could've parked farther away from where we finished. "It's a good cool down" they told me. Um, that was miles 2-5.

The re-carbing at Clark and Doc's was probably the best part. That and waking up with just my feet covered after a little nap in the basement. Thanks Doc.

What you should all probably know though, is that I'm not incapable of being in shape. I just didn't train at all for this. Next year (I guess), I will be destroying that time of 1:14.